


It’s all the smiles I’m faking

by XyaLovegood_StormpilotShipper



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, Poe decides to tell Finn how he feels, Stormpilot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-06-07 13:21:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6806584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XyaLovegood_StormpilotShipper/pseuds/XyaLovegood_StormpilotShipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe has decided that it's time Finn knew how he feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi-chapter fic, so we'll see how this goes. Don't know when I'll be updating, just a warning. Feel free to leave comments/feedback/corrections, whatever! :)
> 
> Title from Heart of Stone by American Authors. Oh yeah, and the whole "not just any friend" thing was inspired by Warner's "friend" speech in the Shatter Me series by Tahereh Mafi.

_Great, another one,_ Poe thinks as yet another one of Finn’s admirers saunters up to him, smiling flirtatiously. They were the third person to flirt with him in the past hour alone. Poe was getting seriously sick of it.

He forced what he hoped was a convincing smile as the guy left him with his number and walked away.

“You’re awfully popular today,” he joked, nudging Finn in the shoulder. Finn just shrugged.

“I don’t get it. These people don’t even know me. Why do they like me so much?” Poe gaped at him. “What?” he asked defensively.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” Finn shook his head. “Finn, you’re a hero. You managed to break a lifetime of conditioning, save the Resistance’s best pilot—“ At that Finn chuckled. “Hey, it’s the truth and you know it! Anyway, where was I? Right, and you helped lower the shields on Starkiller before having an epic lightsaber duel with Kylo Ren! I mean, you’re amazing, Finn!” _Way to be subtle, Dameron,_ he thought to himself, but Finn deserved to know how amazing he was, and Poe was happy to be the one to inform him.

Plus it was worth it to see the way Finn smiled shyly at his words.

 _Stars, why does he have to be so kriffing adorable all the time?! He is not making it easy for me to_ not _fall in love with him._

~~~ *** ~~~

Poe’s happy being Finn’s friend. He is. He really, truly is.

At least, that’s what he keeps trying to tell himself. He loves being Finn’s friend, he really does, but Poe realized pretty quickly that he wants more than that. He wants to be Finn’s friend, but not just any friend. He wants to be the friend Finn comes home to every night. The one he tells all his secrets and fears and dreams to. The one who holds his hand and kisses his lips. He wants to be the friend Finn falls hopelessly in love with. And he wants Finn to be the one who looks after BB-8 when he can’t. The one he gets back home for. The one he sleeps next to every night. The one he shares his life with.

Poe’s long since come to terms with his feelings for Finn, but he’s always been able to convince himself that just being friends is enough for him. But it isn’t. He thinks about Finn 24/7. Every time he leaves D’Qar, for some mission or another, Finn’s is the last face he sees when he leaves, the first he searches for when he gets back, and the one that haunts his thoughts the whole time he’s away. He spends all his free time with him. And whenever anyone (guy or girl) goes up to Finn, all smiles and compliments and flirty touches, it takes all of Poe’s self-restraint to keep from dragging Finn away, or doing something even more stupid like kissing Finn right then and there just so they’ll leave him alone.

But Finn’s an attractive man, not to mention a hero, and Poe knows that someday someone will come along who Finn actually is interested in, and he’ll have to watch as he goes on dates, and talks about them, and touches them, and maybe even falls in love.

Poe really doesn’t think he could bear it. He’d be driven mad with jealously and pain and regret that he didn’t even confess how he felt, until eventually he couldn’t even bear to be around Finn and his boyfriend or girlfriend anymore, and he’d have to cut Finn out of his life just to try and heal the pain.

And that, more than anything, is something that Poe could not live with. He can’t keep going along the way he has been. He has to tell Finn how he feels, and then either Finn will reciprocate his feelings, or he won’t, but at least then Poe will have his answer, and he can finally move on one way or the other.

He thinks (and hopes) he might be able to live with the whole “just friends” thing if he isn’t constantly wondering “what if?”

So it’s decided, then. He feels a little better now that he’s made the decision, like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, but it also poses the questions of when to tell Finn. And where? And how?

Poe sighs and decides to not overthink it and just tell him the first opportunity he gets. He hopes it’ll be soon, but at the same time he’s dreading what Finn’s response will be.

~~~ *** ~~~

It’s been three days and Poe still hasn’t told him. There’s never been a good time, or so he tells himself. To be honest, he hasn’t been trying very hard.

 _Tomorrow,_ he thinks. _I’ll tell him tomorrow._ When he wakes up the next morning, he remembers his promise to himself and immediately wishes that he could just hide in bed all day. But he drags himself out of bed, gets dressed, and shuffles to the mess hall for breakfast. Finn’s at their usual table, and after getting his food, Poe joins him.

“Hey buddy, what’s going on?” He tries to sound casual. He’s not sure he succeeded.

“Nothing much.” Finn says cheerfully. He’s unbelievably cheerful for someone who only recently escaped an evil organization who trained him to be a weapon ever since he was old enough to walk (maybe even before). It’s one of the (many, many) things that Poe loves about him.

Lost in his own thoughts, Poe doesn’t realize he’s been staring at the table for the past couple of minutes until Finn snaps him out of it, saying “Hey Poe, is everything okay?” with a heartbreaking amount of concern in his voice.

With a start, Poe realizes that this is his chance. _Don’t screw this up._

“Uh, yeah buddy, of course! I mean, no. Well, kind of. It will be? Can I talk to you later?” _So much for not screwing it up._ He winces. He sneaks a glance at Finn, who is now looking even more concerned and confused. Poe forces his expression into something resembling a smile to try to reassure him. From the looks of it, it must not be very convincing, cause Finn’s frown only deepens. But he just says “Okay. I’m free after lunch. Meet you at your quarters?” Poe nods.

For the rest of breakfast, Finn talks to Poe about his schedule for the day, and this funny thing that C-3PO said, and Poe tries to listen and nod and smile in all the right places, but his mind is whirling with thoughts of what he’s gonna do and say and _stars, this is really happening, he’s really gonna do this._

When Finn finishes his breakfast and gets up to leave, his worried frown is back.

“Are you okay, Poe? Cause we can talk right now, if—” Poe cuts him off.

“I’m fine, buddy! I know you’ve got physical therapy now, so we’ll talk after lunch, okay? It can wait.” Finn still looks unconvinced, but he nods and leaves the mess to get to his physical therapy session.

Poe breathes a sigh of relief and finishes up his breakfast. The only thing on his schedule today was making some repairs to Black One, who had taken a hit from a TIE fighter on the last mission Poe had been on.

He went straight to the hangar once he left the mess, and worked on repairing his ship until lunch. Finn wasn’t at the mess because he had a meeting with General Organa, so Poe rushed through eating his food and went back to his quarters to wait for Finn.

Once he was in his room he sat down on his bed, but, finding it impossible to sit still, he immediately got back up again and started pacing from his bed to the door and back again. He was completely jittery with nerves.

It’s funny, but he finds himself wondering if he’s ever been more nervous. He’s fighting in a war. He’s lost count of the number of times he’s stared death in the face. He’s been taken, tortured, shot down, concussed, lost, hit, bruised and battered, but this, this terrifies him.

Because the more he thinks about it, the less sure he is that he’ll be able to take it if Finn doesn’t feel the same way.

Before he has too much time to follow that train of thought, there’s a knock on the door.

“Poe? It’s me,” Finn calls.

_Kriff._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing the story from Finn's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's almost been a month, but I finally got the next chapter up! And this one has more than a few lines of dialogue! Yay!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who read/left kudos on/commented on the last chapter! I love reading your comments. :) As always, feel free to leave feedback/corrections/thoughts/suggestions/whatever in the comments. :D And thanks to iwritetrash for helping me out with this one! <3

It takes Poe longer than usual to answer the door, and when he does he seems distracted, maybe even—nervous? That couldn’t be right. Finn doesn’t think he’s ever seen Poe nervous before. He was always so cool and confident. And besides, it was just Finn. What did Poe have to be nervous about?

“Hey, buddy.” Poe smiles, but his voice sounds off and he doesn’t meet Finn’s eyes. “Come on in.”

“Thanks,” Finn replies tentatively, wondering what’s got Poe acting so unusual. He walks in and Poe shuts the door behind him. “So… you wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Yeah,” Poe confirms, nodding. “Yeah, um…” he swallows. “It’s just something I need to get off my chest. It’s not a big deal—well, um, it could be, but it doesn’t have to be if you don’t want it to, we can just forget this ever happened, no pressure or anything, really, I’ll be fine, I just really need to tell you this, but what you do with it is totally up to you, I mean—”

“Poe,” Finn interrupts, because who knows how long Poe would ramble on for if he didn’t. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Poe takes a deep breath, as if to steel himself, and then: 

“I like you.”

Finn waits for him to say more, but when he doesn’t, Finn realizes he’s waiting to see his reaction. But he isn’t sure how to react when he doesn’t even understand what Poe is trying to tell him. _I like you._ That’s what he was so nervous to say? It didn’t make any sense. Of course Poe liked him, and Finn felt the same. They were friends, and they’d been through a lot together, and if he ever had any doubt about Poe’s feelings for him, it was erased when he saw the look of pure joy on Poe’s face when they were reunited. Did Poe really think that Finn didn’t know…?

Unless. Unless he didn’t mean it in a friend way, but in a—no. Finn shakes the thought out of his head. He was being ridiculous. Poe probably just wanted to make sure that Finn knew that he cared about him. After all, that would make sense when you factor in Finn’s past, and it was such a _Poe_ thing to do. He was such a kind and sweet and open person, and he was always thinking of other people, putting their needs miles before his own. _That’s one of the reasons why I love him._

_Wait, where did_ that _thought come from?_

Dragging himself out of his thoughts before he could dwell too much on that, Finn pastes a smile onto his face, hoping he isn’t too transparent. “I like you too, Poe,” he says softly.

For a moment Poe’s whole face lights up, and it causes a strange warm feeling in his chest to know that he’s the source of Poe’s joy. 

“You’re my best friend, well, you and Rey, and you’re the kindest person I know. Of course I like you,” he continues, but for some reason the words seemed to put a damper on Poe’s joy. No, he hadn’t meant to do that! He wanted to see that radiant smile again. “I mean,” he adds hurriedly, “You and Rey are both my _best_ friends, but you’re my _oldest_ friend. Not in age, I mean like I’ve known you the longest…” he trails off uncertainly. 

Well, that hadn’t put the smile back on Poe’s face. What had he done wrong? What could he do to make it right?

“Poe,” he says, in the hopes of fixing whatever mistake he had made. Poe looks up from the apparently very fascinating spot of floor that he had been staring at to finally meet Finn’s eyes. “Thank you,” Finn finishes sincerely.

Poe’s brow furrows in confusion. “For what?”

“For everything.” _Didn’t Poe realize how incredible he was?_ “For being a great pilot when I needed one. For helping me through the process of joining the Resistance. For showing me around the base. For letting me know that you care. For being my first real friend.” 

Poe’s eyes soften. He moves closer to Finn, almost as if he can’t help it, and puts a hand on Finn’s shoulder, staring intently into his eyes like whatever he’s about to say is very important. “Finn. You have nothing to thank me for. You’re an amazing person, and it is an honor to be your friend. And I want you to know that your life is different now. You’re not in the First Order anymore. You have lots of people who care a lot about you now, myself included. Don’t ever forget that. Don’t ever forget that you matter.” 

Finn smiles at Poe’s kind words.

_Stars, why does he have to be such a kriffing good person all the time?! He is not making it easy for me to_ not _fall in love with him._

“I won’t,” he reassures him. 

“Good,” Poe says. He drops his eyes from Finn’s and clears his throat, like he lost the rest of his courage when he finished speaking the words. “Good,” he repeats quietly. He removes his hand from Finn’s shoulder and backs up a little, putting some not-at-all-wanted-or-needed space between them. 

Finn mourns the loss of contact and close proximity, but if Poe wants some space between them, Finn’s more than willing to give him that. He’d do anything for Poe, he realizes that now. Including never being more than friends, never confessing how he feels out loud. After everything Poe’s done for him, whether he acknowledges it or not, Finn surely owes him that much, no matter how much he yearns for something more. 

_Just friends,_ he tells himself sternly.

They’re just friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. Did I mention that I'm planning on dragging this out more? XD


End file.
